Saying Goodbye

I knew when Grandpa Bud was with us at Thanksgiving that this would probably be the last time I would see him in this life. He was slower, quieter, thinner. Most of his time was spent in this chair, "meditating", as he called it. If you caught him alone in a quiet moment, he would open up and tell stories. But between my two kids, I didn't have many of those moments to spend with him. I'm glad my mom & Aunt Lori did.

But that didn't make it any easier to get that phone call from my mom telling me that Grandpa had passed away. We knew it was coming, and he was more than ready. As happy as I was for him to be free of the infirmities that were burdening him, it's like a physical blow when you realize that someone who has always been a part of your life is just gone. I'll never get to sit with him in his office while he tells me about his patent cases again. I'll never hear him tell us stories about Korea or Idaho. And I'm heartbroken that my kids won't have a chance to grow up knowing Grandpa Bud. 

This was the first time I've lost someone close to me. As the oldest child of two oldest children, my grandparents have always been a big part of my life. Now I have to face what I've been trying to ignore for so long--that they won't be here forever.

But for a long time it felt like he would always be around. After all, he always had been!

Grandpa & Grandma with me & Kenna

Grandpa rejoicing to have survived his first time driving with me in a manual car.

He was a great (and patient!) teacher.

I was lucky that my Semester in Nauvoo overlapped with their time as missionaries in Nauvoo.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have my grandparents there with me.

(My roommates loved them, too!).

With me at the Logan Temple after I took out my endowments.

They also pretty much planned my wedding for me--they chauffeured me from Provo to Salt Lake to make all the arrangements and paid for more of it than they'll ever tell me.

Meeting Seth (his first great-grandchild) for the first time.

Luckily Jon was able to rearrange his schedule so that I could attend Grandpa's funeral with my family. It was a very quick trip (left Friday morning, returned Sunday afternoon). I was very grateful to not be flying with kids--my flight to Salt Lake consisted of me leaving my house at 4 am, driving 90 minutes to D.C., flying across the country to LA (where Aunt Lori singlehandedly held my connecting flight for me!), and then to Salt Lake. Let's just say I got a good chunk of Middlemarch finished that day. At least I got to spend that last leg from LA to Salt Lake chatting with Aunt Lori!

Sad though the reason was, I was so excited to get to see my family! We usually only manage to get together for the holidays, so this was an extra treat. My parents and all of my little sisters were there. I even planned ahead and got Beth's birthday present (very early)!

We may disagree on which Doctor we like best (she's David Tennant, I'm Matt Smith), 

but we're pretty equally obsessed with the show in general. 

That evening was the viewing. I have to say that I was surprised by how happy the whole thing felt. We got to see many good friends (some who had driven down from Logan just to see us, including my childhood best friend). I was grateful so many people came to support Grandma.

In an attempt to spare ourselves some tears on the day of the funeral, we said our goodbyes to Grandpa and closed the casket right after the viewing. This was the hardest part for me--knowing that we won't see him again for so long. 

Grandpa was a bit obsessed with tractors (skipped his graduation party to go drive the tractor), and he drove a bulldozer during the Korean War. My mom had me place a small bulldozer in Grandpa's hands before we closed the casket. I'm grateful Grandma thought to do this the night before, because we were all a mess. Rest in peace, Grandpa.

The next morning was the funeral. Despite some very-very-very last minute practicing, the grandkids' rendition of "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" seemed to go well. At least no one left in horror that I saw...  I also got to play while Marah & Beth sang, "I Believe"--one of the songs Grandpa requested. It's a beautiful song. My favorite line: "I believe above the storm the smallest prayer will still be heard. I believe that someone in the great somewhere hears every word."

I loved hearing my mom, Aunt Lori & Uncle Mike tell their stories about Grandpa. There were so many that I had never heard before.  I'm so grateful to have had such a good man for my grandpa. 

The cemetery was in a beautiful location at the foot of the mountains. Grandpa will have a beautiful place to rest. 

Because he was a Korean War Veteran, he received a military send-off.

I bawled like a baby when they handed Grandma the flag and thanked her for Grandpa's service.

Mike, Lori, Grandma & Mom.

Sunglasses = a brilliant idea. Must remember for next time.

Me & my sisters saying our last goodbyes. 

Kenna & I may or may not have stolen those flowers from the arrangements behind us...

Grandpa, we miss you. Thank you for everything--especially for all the things you did so quietly that we never even realized you were doing them. Goodbye until we meet again.