We need help. Our son is almost two, and it shows.
The fear of leaves that was so cute a month or two ago? It's gotten worse. Pieces of parsley in alfredo sauce? 'Yeeves.' Dead worms on the sidewalk. 'Yeeves.' Basically anything Seth doesn't want to eat (beans, potatoes, pasta, you name it)? 'Yeeves.' Today he stood on the sidewalk outside for 20 minutes because there was a single leaf on our steps. I refused to go get him. Eventually he braved the terrifying leaf and made it to the house, but not without many tears.
So here's the question: do I force him to deal with the leaf issue, or does that just traumatize him? Is this something I should just let slide because he'll grow out of it? Anyone else out there with a child who has totally irrational fears? For Pete's sake--at least I was afraid of wolves!
Issue #2: food. Our good little eater has begun a downhill spiral. At dinner tonight he wouldn't eat a single thing. So what do we do? Force him to eat? Keep offering him the food he rejected at every meal? Let him live on olives, Parmesan cheese and bread?
I know it's a phase, but it's a phase that my sisters and I didn't grow out of until college. Jon and family, on the other hand, ate all the good stuff growing up and (generally) liked it. So what do you do with your picky eater?
Any advice would be great. I'm already grilling my mom and trying to get Jon to grill his (it's not working too well). I love that little man, but sometimes he's a stinker!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Help, please?
at 7:18 PM
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11 comments:
I don't know about the fears and insecurity, as my child (Garrett) has a lot of fears too. He used to be so scared of any plant inside a building. Weird. Its just hard knowing what to do or how hard to push or not push.
As far as the eating. I mentioned it before, can't stop mentioning it. Run to the library and get her books http://www.ellynsatter.com/ (although one of the best books the library doesn't have- but I do.)
and at dinner time, always make sure there is 1 food you know the kid likes (bread and butter at every meal because they can at least fill up on that if they turn their noses at everything else.) seriously, get those books or look at her website!
I agree with Dawn, having at least one thing with the meal that you know they'll eat. Max was AWFUL from about 18 months till just now about being a picky eater. Our pediatrician said just as long as he's not losing weight and you're giving him a vitamin daily, he'll be fine. Plus if he wants to eat a ton of one thing, as long as it's healthy, let him. Max would eat 3 bananas in a row. I also spike his milk with pediasure just to help get some extra healthy calories in him. But now that he's got friends and he sees that they eat other stuff, he's been more willing to try new things. Good luck!
Our philosophy about picky eating: no snacks between meals, unless it's fruit, and no giving in at dinner. It may sound heartless, but if the kids get hungry, they will eat. (No snacks between meals helps make sure that they're hungry for dinner. There is nothing wrong with making them wait half an hour for dinner. They are not going to starve, although they may be crabby.) We do try and make sure that we make food they can eat/have eaten in the past: when Spencer makes quesadillas, the kids get just cheese while he puts beans and chicken on ours; and when he makes jambalaya he makes it less spicy than he and I like it in deference to them. But when Max refused to eat mashed potatoes the other night, we shrugged and said tough luck.
Also, dessert is contingent on eating your dinner, and also on having tried whatever new food we're serving - two bites. We've been so pushy with that policy that the kids have learned it's easier just to take the bites than to argue about it.
In terms of fears - Max has recently developed a terror of sudden loud noises, such as a motorcycle roaring by, thunder, loud semi-trucks, even rainstorms. He completely panics, and mean, panics, totally freaks out and blindly scrambles to get inside and (this is sweet) to get you to come inside with him. He'll even be super brave and come back outside to grab my hand and try and drag me inside even though I can see how frightened he is. Anyway! We have been working with him, forcing him to stay outside but on our laps, and talking about how the different noises are not trains (origin of the fear was an extremely loud train at close quarters) but helicopters- look you can see the helicopter, there it goes! or trucks on the road - you like trucks, don't you, Max? Tell me about your favorite kind of trucks... Or fire engine sirens - oh, they are loud, aren't they! What color are fire engines, Max? So when he starts to get nervous we change the subject - acknowledging the fear but not letting him run away from it either. He's gotten a lot, lot better since we started actively working on it. I'm not exactly sure how this is going to apply to yeeves, but maybe it'll give you some ideas!
Chantry has developed a fear of bees. Except bees means anything that scares him or he doesn't want to do. H didn't have weird fears like this, so I am at a loss.
Kyle throws up if he is forced to eat. He will only eat what he wants end of story. So I would say just offer different foods, but make sure he eats. When we were older (elementary age) my mom cooked dinner and we ate it if we didn't want to be hungry! (Even if we didn't like it.) There's some more to add to the advice column!
Good luck - you know I failed. Bethany is still a terrible eater ... I'm packing a bag of Beth survival foods to send with her to Texas so she doesn't starve.
At least when you were afraid of wolves, we moved and told you that they stayed at the old house. Unfortunately, leaves are everywhere...
With Max what worked the best was to identify the starting fear and then work to specify it down to the particular thing he is scared of. In your example you are afraid of wolves (well probably afraid of wolves chasing you) as a child you would tend to generalize to all wolf like things and then on to all mammals. But as a parent you narrow it down and narrow it down until the child is only afraid of being chased by wolves instead of all mammals.
On the food I agree with Adrian only I don't give fruit anymore between meals and absolutely no caloric beverages except at meals and only served after dinner has started. Juice or Milk is relatively high calorie when you are a little guy and you can fill up on just that.
It's probably terrible that we do this but Zach is a little less picky at meals if we let him watch a movie. Singing to him works sometimes too. This distracts him enough that he doesn't think so much about what he's eating. Also we'll sometimes bribe him with the healthy foods he does like. For example, you could tell Seth he can have a bite-sized piece of bread if he eats 3 bites of pasta. Sometimes we'll make fruit and yogurt smoothies with carrots and/or spinach mixed in. If you put enough other stuff in you can't taste the veggies and Zach loves them. Good luck figuring this out. We're still working on it too.
I have to say I agree with what Adrian said. It's so hard when you're the parent, but it's what is best for them in the long haul. Good luck.
If you find the right answer for all those let me know... I still struggle with that. One thing I do know is that it comes and goes in stages as far as the eating thing goes.
Love that little Seth calls everything that he don't like yeeves. We have two children and one was afraid of some things, sometimes the little things that caused a fear was amazing. Our pedi said to not force things on them because sometimes it causes a fear of things when they grow up. He suggested that we gently show them that their fear wasn't going to hurt mommy and daddy, in your case hold the leaf in your hand but just for a short period of time at first making light of it. Even when you hold it at first it may be a fear for him, then just keep doing it for a little longer next time and still make light of it all the time. I hope this helped. Oh yea and always ask him if he would like to hold it he will say no but may warm up to it after a while.
On to the food issue, after having our first born that would eat everything and lots of it we had baby number two as a toddler didn't want to eat much. Pedi said to never force food on a child and said to always offer it but never force it. We wondered about keeping food and snacks away and only letting her eat at meals at meal time and he said no let her eat what she wants, when she wants, he said if she only ate one favorite food that was good because at least she was eating one. He told us that forcing food on toddlers and not feeding them when they want snacks most often causes stomach problems and even things like diabetes in adults. In our case it must have worked she is one of the most healthy eaters I know today. oh yea and he said if we fear she wasn't getting enough in her food to give her a children's multivitimin. I hope you have good luck with it, I just thought I'd share with you because the post hit home for me, been there.
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